5 Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself

“You’ve been criticizing yourself for yourself for years and it hasn’t worked.  Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” – Louise Hay

Self-criticism can show up in so many ways – from judging our appearance or intelligence to beating ourselves up over past mistakes, poor habits, or perceived failures.  Often, we say things to ourselves that we’d never say to someone we love.

This inner dialogue doesn’t help us grow – it keeps us stuck.  It focuses our attention on what’s wrong instead of what’s possible.  It reinforces old stories that limit us, instead of helping us rewrite them. 

But what if there’s another way?

What if, instead of tearing ourselves down, we chose to build ourselves up?

What if we could become our own biggest encourager, supporter, and friend?

If you’ve spent years being hard on yourself, shifting to being kind might feel unnatural at first.  That’s okay.  Like any new habit, it takes intention and practice.  The goal isn’t to silence every negative thought, but to create a more supportive relationship with yourself over time.

Here are five powerful ways to begin.

1.  Talk to Yourself Like You Would a Friend

If you wouldn’t say it to someone you love, why say it to yourself?

Next time your inner critic speaks up, pause and ask:

“What would I say to my best friend if they were in this situation?”

Then offer yourself that same understanding, patience, and kindness. You deserve it. 

2.  Name and Notice Your Inner Critic

Your inner critic isn’t you – it’s a learned voice, often rooted in fears, unmet expectations, or past experiences.

Sometimes, giving it a name (like “Judge Judy” or “Mean Milton”) can help you recognize when it’s taking over.

Naming it creates distance. Noticing brings awareness. And awareness is the first step to changing it. 

3.  Practice Self-Compassion

When you’re struggling, rather than judging yourself, try these three simple steps from Dr. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion framework:

• Mindfulness: “This is a hard moment.”
• Common Humanity: “Everyone struggles sometimes.”
• Kindness: “I choose to be gentle with myself right now.”

These compassionate statements can calm your nervous system and shift your mindset – especially in moments when you need it most.

4.  Celebrate Small Wins

Your brain is wired to notice what’s wrong – it’s a survival mechanism.  But with practice, you can train it to focus on what’s going right.

Start by acknowledging even the tiniest progress:

• “I paused before reacting.”
• “I showed up today.”
• “I made time to breathe.”

A daily gratitude or reflection practice can reinforce this habit and help you build confidence from the inside out.

5.  Use Tools Like EFT Tapping

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) is a powerful way to quiet the inner critic and shift emotional energy.  It combines gentle tapping on acupressure points with affirming statements to help release stress, fear, and self-judgment.

Even a few minutes of tapping can create a noticeable shift in how you feel – helping you move from self-criticism to self-compassion.

Be sure to check out my “Self-Criticism” tap along video on YouTube to experience it for yourself.

So give self-compassion and kindness a try!